Here’s a link to my latest article and the first one to be published at The Spearhead.
Here’s a link to my latest article and the first one to be published at The Spearhead.
As I look at the journey to manhood for the African American male, I see it as a journey across a tightrope over the abyss. One wrong decision and you end up dead, incarcerated, or otherwise rendered unable to prosper in modern America. Positive role models for our young men are far and few in between. Even with our nation’s first African American president in charge of the nation, we see him helpless against the slings and arrows of a racist political infrastructure and at the same time, a collaborator in the condemnation of males that is routine in American society. But seeing as he only has daughters, I would guess that President Obama has little stake in improving the lot of African American men or men in general.
But furthermore, the very concept of a competent and positive African American male has been broken in our country and more importantly, in our communities. When Bill Cosby had his award-winning sitcom “The Cosby Show,” more non-African Americans viewed the show than African Americans. The main reason cited by African Americans, especially those in the lower income brackets was simple; stark disbelief. Men and women alike, could not suspend their belief that an African American couple could be so positive and successful. Moreover, there was a massive disbelief by African American women that Bill Cosby’s character, “Dr. Heathcliffe Huxtable” could be that successful in both his career and as a father. But to understand why that idea could still hold weight in today’s society, you have to look at where it came from in our past.
Historically, we have been taught that African American men are not only dispensable, but nearly unnecessary; especially in the lower economic class communities. During the slavery era, the male would be the one sold as often as a child, in order to break up the slave family. After the Southern Diaspora, many men left the home in order to seek work for their families; this included African American males as well. Later on, poor African American men were stripped from their homes when Women in those same poor African American communities learned via positive reinforcement from the government and the media that they were financially better off without their husbands than with them. And the natural extrapolation of that idea led to men only being needed for their sperm as these women found that the more children they bore, the more money they could receive from the government…and again, just as long as the man did not live in the home.
Then, mainstream feminism came into the picture and told the African American woman that she didn’t need her African American man in her life at all. And again, the government came in and reinforced the idea by providing countless incentives for African American women to remain single. Oprah Winfrey, a newswoman from a Tennessee news station made her bones (and millions) by demonizing African American men to African American women (and White American women). The early episodes of The Oprah Winfrey show repeatedly showed America how horrible African American and poor White men were to their women. Add to this the patent criminalization and incarceration of African American men that has been part of American culture since the late 60s and the net result; a large part of an entire generation of African American children who grew up fatherless or otherwise without a responsible male role model in their lives.
History has proven that the imagery of identification is a very powerful force in the development of children. Going back to television; in the late sixties, one of the landmark television shows was “Julia” starring Diahann Carroll; a show about a single (widowed) African American mother who was a nurse. This had a personal relevance to me as I was in elementary school during the period of time in which the show aired. Nearly every girl in my school had a Julia lunchbox; not Barbie or any other “white” marketing item, but Julia. As a result, a large number of African American women in my generation were influenced into nursing as a career. But even then, people recognized the danger of the show to the African American community. The series came under criticism from African-American viewers for its depiction of a fatherless Black family. Excluding a Black male lead, it was argued, “rendered the series safer” and “less likely to grapple with issues that might upset white viewers.”
And while we are still on the subject of feminine identification and going back to “The Cosby Show;” that show was credited for inspiring a large number of African Americans to consider collegiate-level study and attending HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) based upon the Huxtable Alma-mater, Hillman College. It’s funny that the spinoff show “A Different World,” featured the Huxtable daughter, Denise (Lisa Bonet) rather than the one Huxtable son, Theo (Malcom Jamal Warner). Especially considering the unstable acting career and decisions surrounding Bonet at the time. Warner would have made a more stable choice and would have been more likely to remain with the cast of the show…but I digress.
Going back to the sixties and seventies in TV; at least the young African American women in that period of time had somebody they could identify with, as many of their mothers were also single and raising them. Unfortunately, the young men weren’t so lucky. They didn’t have “Paul Winfields” or “Fred Williamsons” to look up to in real life. Instead they had less scrupulous men like “Comfort (Clifton Davis’ role as a pimp in the 70s ABC “movie of the week” “Little Ladies of the Night”) as role models. Without respectible father figures in or around the home, the young African American males had to look elsewhere for their icons. In those poor communities filled with fatherless male children, the only men who demonstrated evidence of prosperity were the criminals and hustlers. Thus you see the “gangsta” or thug culture that is endemic in African American society today.
Once, I worked with young men in “at risk communities” and I saw the results of this everyday. I saw these young men who dumbed themselves down because intellect is now considered an emasculating trait in their neighborhoods. All the math you need to know is how to count your money and the number of shots you fired out of your gun.
At the same time, I see countless opportunities available for young African American women to better themselves. Foundations, scholarships, organizations, and more. Where are these things for the young men? The only government sanctioned youth organizations I see for young African American men are Job Corps or the detention home. There’s a lot of “unsanctioned” ones though. The Vice Lords, The Black Gangster Disciple Nation, The Crips, The Bloods, Zoe Pound…there are “youth organizations” like these for young Black men in nearly every major city….
Yet the same, I see African American men who are willing to defend mainstream feminism at all costs. I ask those men to take a look at what has been done to us in feminism’s name and at least see their responsibility in the troubles that have beset the African American community. The Slutwalk is the latest demonstration in how mainstream feminism does not even consider the issues of our sisters, but claims to speak for them. If mainstream feminism cannot even address the needs of African American women, then how can you as African American men even think that the movement as a whole has our best interests at heart? The answer to saving this generation of young African American men is not going to be found in mainstream feminism…not alone. There have to be masculine interests and viewpoints involved.
I’m not completely damning feminism in this indictment of what has been done to our children, but until we can eliminate some of the zero-sum politics that feminists use to divert attention and funding from helping young men in need, this is only going to worsen and eventually the powder-keg that is the African American male youth is going to blow up.
In a previous post, I wrote that the law and society have absolved women from any responsibility for their sexual behavior while under the influence of alcohol. If a man wakes up in bed with a woman that he didn’t expect, he has to “chew off his own arm,” but if a woman wakes up with a man she didn’t expect, then she only has to cry rape.
While I wrote the previous statement with a bit of humor in mind, the underlying statement is that it can be alleged that a substantial number of women may have used “the rape card,” in response to what was possibly a drunken “hook up.” This does not discount the fact that there are men who will take advantage of an intoxicated woman and proceed to rape her. Criminals are creatures of opportunity and a drunk woman is a golden one for a rapist.
Many rape cases have been attributed to rapists using date rape drugs. One British professor has posited a study which states that most of the reported cases of women who were raped by use of date rape drugs were actually the victims of alcoholic excess and recreational drug use, rather than the use of “roofies.” Logic would dictate that this could be proved or disproved simply by drug testing the victims. However, I personally do not know whether law enforcement agencies do drug testing or use the proper tests for these drugs. But for the record, the notorious date-rape drug Rohypnol has a post-ingestion detection duration of five days in urine and up to a month via hair follicle analysis. Ketamine has a blood/urine detection period of 7-14 days. However, GHB only has a 12-24 hour duration for blood/urine analysis.
The reason that I listed the above facts is that a large number of feminist groups are trying to quash the results of this study. The fact is that the most potent and popular “date rape drug” is alcohol according to studies by various law enforcement agencies. But when law enforcement agencies/organizations start campaigns to encourage women to be more careful and take more responsibility for their safety when they go out drinking, feminists choose to interpret this as an attack on women and “victim blaming.” They choose to interpret these studies and warnings as an attack on the victim, even though such research is simply attributing the consequences of an action.
For the sake of discussion, let me preface any further discussion by saying that I do agree that the act of rape is the responsibility of the rapist. A person who chooses to force sexual contact on an unwilling or unconscious person is indulging in morally reprehensible and criminal behavior. This discussion is not in any way, shape or form, meant to defend or excuse that particular behavior set. I am not here to defend men who purposely use or take advantage of alcohol or other controlled substances for the sole purpose of rendering a female (or male) victim incapable of acting on their own volition regarding sexual choice. What I intend on doing is examining the legal and social surrounds involving the use of alcohol in a social setting.
First off, we can all agree that there is sufficient historical evidence that will establish that men and women have been drinking together in social public gatherings for more than 250 years. We all know that they have been seeking each other for sexual congress in social public gatherings for far, far, longer than that as well. So, let’s restate that just for the record. Men and women will often seek each other for sexual congress in social public gatherings and for at least 250 years and alcohol has also been present and imbibed by both men and women at many of those same gatherings.
The purpose of imbibing alcohol in a social setting is that because of alcohol’s nature as a depressant, it acts as a deinhibitor. It lowers social defenses and as a result, people are more prone to act on subconscious or repressed impulses if they have indulged in its use. This is common knowledge and is based on established scientific proof. In the realm of our modern laws, because of the common knowledge that all people have regarding the nature of alcohol, a person committing criminal acts cannot cite their state of inebriation as a defense or an excuse for having committed those acts. In fact, the use of alcohol often further incriminates a person being tried for a crime. The most evident example of this is the harsh sentencing applied to people found operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol. But returning to the subject; we can establish that people who drink alcohol in a social public gathering/venue, do so in order to lower those social defenses. A common euphemism for that is “loosening up.”
Now we get to the point of the thing. Men and women both indulge in this behavior. Men and women go to nightclubs, bars, and similar venues and often as not, their underlying purpose is to meet other men and women (usually of their preferred gender for sexual contact) and they almost to a person, will indulge in the imbibing of alcohol. In simple terms, if you’re going to go to the club, you’re going to drink, and you are going to try to hook up with somebody. While there are exceptions to this, those same exceptions would not apply in this discussion in any case because those people either had no intention to drink and therefore would not be acting from impaired judgement or they had no desire to hook up with anyone, and therefore would not be involved in making overtures toward another person.
The purpose of the above part of my essay was to clearly frame the terms of my examination. I want to be clear that in this examination we are talking only about women and men who are consciously and of their own free will, indulging in alcohol and are also to a social public venue for the purpose of meeting potential sexual partners of their preferred gender. These people will often indulge in the use of alcohol and will further indulge in excess often leading to a severely diminished ability to make decisions or consent to activity from a place of informed safety.
So, with all of the above established, I am forced to beg the question regarding the prosecution of men only in regards to alleged unwanted sexual contact where alcohol or other controlled substances are involved. How can our lawmakers in any pretense of fairness defend such adjudications which hold only men the sole bearer of legal responsibility while intoxicated, while granting women the agency and license to ignore the consequences of their actions and decisions while under the influence of alcohol? While a simple blood test administered the morning after the alleged rape could easily determine whether both parties were sufficiently intoxicated to rule that neither one had the capacity to make a safe decision regarding sexual congress, the problem is that many drunk rape accusations are made at least two days after the actual sex act has happened. Considering that the statute of limitations regarding rape is quite long, any such evidence is all but gone by the time the accusation has been made.
Feminists feel that the discussion of alcohol’s effect on judgment is used as a way to dismiss the “alleged rape,” but they again fail to bring up the reduction of inhibitions that is associated with the use of alcohol. After a few drinks, that nerdy, slightly overweight guy who that hot chick would not have given the time of day to, may suddenly look like George Clooney to her. But in all seriousness, the alcohol may have lowered her social defenses enough so that guy may have said a funny joke and she would find that the normal social inhibitions that would have prevented her from accepting an advance from such a guy would not be in place and then human nature would run its course. But then there’s the morning after; the alcohol has worn off and suddenly, all of those manufactured walls that she normally keeps up are back in place. Add to that the fact that she may have imbibed enough to impair her memory and you’ve got yourself a rape case.
Men openly acknowledge that sex with a “less than desired partner” can and often does happen if alcohol is involved. We even have a name for that phenomenon; we refer to the circumstances leading up to the unfortunate hookup as “having your beer goggles on” and while it is commonly used to refer to a woman who would be considered physically unattractive under normal circumstances, the unwritten point is that the development and common usage of this colloquial phrase acknowledges that men collectively recognize that alcohol will lower your social defenses and inhibitions leading to a sexually-oriented decision based upon impaired judgement. Furthermore, when an “unfortunate” situation occurs because of “having your beer goggles on,” the woman involved is never blamed for the situation. It is always considered that it was the man’s alcohol-impaired judgement that caused the “unfortunate” events to transpire. A similar colloquialism involving male homosexual activity and alcohol is “You’re only ‘x number’ of beers away from being gay” and it jokingly alleges that if a man consumes enough alcohol, his inhibitions regarding homosexual contact may be reduced or eliminated providing enough alcohol is imbibed. (In some circles it is also unfortunately used as a humorous euphemism for the rape of a straight male by a gay one by the use of alcohol. I mention this here simply for the sake of clarification and not as a reinforcement of the negative trope regarding predatory activity by homosexual males toward straight males.)
So what we are left with is one simple fact. There is a legal and moral loophole that allows women the agency to retroactively retract consent to sexual access via the agency of alcohol. And the unfortunate truth is that because of the nature of the crime of rape, the only person who would truly know at the time would be the woman making the accusation. And what we are left with is the simple question of whether a woman declaring rape by the way of intoxication is a victim of a predatory male or her own poor judgement.
I’m writing this because I’m just damn tired of being branded a rapist by the doctrine of feminist philosophy. This is going to be a rant, but one that will be supported by facts and reason. There will be emotive language in this post, but those emotions will be backed by logic and reality.
First off, all reasonable men, including the ones who identify themselves as “feminists,” should be deeply offended by the prevailing ideas regarding the male population and the crime of rape. Those ideas can be summed up by three concepts that are continuously put forth in the majority of feminist-supported platforms, including the US government by way of VAWA:
Without taking the time to disprove these individual ideas, I can say that combined, these three ideas support one other underlying and frightening concept that is being put forth as “fact:”
Rape is not an action that is symptomatic of criminal or deviant behavior but something that is causal of being male.
Let me state this in another manner; the feminist philosophers and thinkers have disassociated the concept of rape with deviant behavior and re-associated it with being a facet of typical male behavior. The logical extension of this thinking (which has been stated in many feminist dialogs) is that any male can be a rapist granted motive and opportunity. One of the core documents of feminist philosophy, “Against Our Will” by Susan Brownmiller clearly states these ideas and promotes them as fact. Take this passage for example:
“Man’s discovery that his genitalia could serve as a weapon to generate fear must rank as one of the most important discoveries of prehistoric times, along with the use of fire and the first crude stone axe. From prehistoric times to the present, I believe, rape has played a critical function…it is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear.“
Read that passage again and consider what it says. Brownmiller is citing that “all men” consciously use rape as a tool. This is dangerous thinking and symptomatic of what is wrong with some divisions of feminist thought.
More dangerous thinking includes the infamous “one in four” statistic. I won’t get into how Mary Koss’ data collection methods purposely skewed the results to get her results. There are several websites that clearly dissect the reality of the “one in four” myth, but because of feminist political and social manipulation, any attempt to question this idea is immediately dismissed as “enabling rape,” “victim blaming,” or collectively as “misogynistic rhetoric.” Currently, now that flawed statistic has been adopted part and parcel within the arena of academia as now it is being claimed that this specifically applies to women who attend colleges and universities across America. If these people had their way, then the most horrific thing you could do is to send your daughter away to college, as it is almost mathematically certain that she will become a victim of rape. Universities are now afraid to counter those statistics for fear of being branded a “tool of the patriarchy.”
But here is the other thing; some feminists are changing the definition of rape in an attempt to vilify men and while doing so, discredit the viewpoints millions of Western women who have no problem with having sex with their chosen male partners. They have already absolved women from any responsibility for their sexual behavior while under the influence of alcohol. If after a drunken evening, a man unexpectedly wakes up in bed with a woman that he doesn’t remember meeting, it is just something we as men have to deal with and we have to accept whatever consequences which have resulted from the drunken encounter. But if a woman wakes up with a man she doesn’t remember meeting after a night of drinking, then she only has to cry rape and she is “absolved” of all other consequences of her behavior except for the biological ones (i.e. infection with a venereal disease, pregnancy).
The fact is that men have no out in regards to the consequences of a drunk hookup; all they can do is either pretend that it did not happen, or own up to the mistake and move on; they have nobody to blame for the situation other than the alcohol and their own lack of judgment. Women on the other hand have the agency (backed by law) to blame men for their situation rather than accept the possible truth that their own activity has led to their consequences.
Just recently in Utah, a man was arrested for rape; now here are the details. The victim met the man in a bar. The victim had imbibed a considerable quantity of alcohol. The victim agreed to take the man home. The man offered the victim a pill (revealed to be a prescription medication) and the victim accepted the pill willingly. The victim fell asleep but woke to find herself engaged in sexual intercourse with the man. She fell asleep again and then awoke again to find herself completely undressed. Now, while we have to acknowledge that the man in question was wrong for his actions in having non-consensual sex with the victim while she was incapacitated due to the drug, where does her responsibility come into play? She willingly brought the man to her home and willingly accepted a controlled substance (the pill) from a man she did not know and accepted at his word what the substance would do (which it did…he did not lie).
But when law enforcement agencies/organizations start campaigns to encourage women to be more careful and take more responsibility for their safety when they go out drinking, feminists choose to interpret this as an attack on women and “victim blaming.” They choose to interpret these studies and warnings as an attack on the victim, even though such research is simply attributing the consequences of an action.
If a person walks down the street openly displaying a large amount of money and gets robbed, while the robber is still at fault for his crime, the victim’s lack of caution presented the criminal with an opportunity. Criminals are the ultimate opportunists; when they see the chance to commit a crime, they will act upon it. Criminals should be punished for their crimes; I have no question in my mind about that fact. But that does not preclude the need for caution and the feminist drive to absolve women from their need for that caution is dangerous to say the least. And following that flawed logic, if women choose to ignore that caution and as a result rapes increase, their agenda is supported.
By the way and on the subject of “victim blaming,” this is the 21st Century; we are no longer collectively claiming that female rape victims are responsible for their becoming victims. There are countless resources available for victims of rape to receive counseling and support for their plight. While there are still individuals who continue to promote that flawed thinking, that is not the same as asking pointed questions regarding a rape investigation to determine what happened. There is no conspiracy which is promoting the idea that men should get away with rape, but what has happened is that the pendulum of justice has swung to the opposite extreme.
There has always been a historical injustice involved with adjudication of the crime of rape. In the United States alone, we have been through periods of history where women in general have incapable of receiving justice after being raped, African American men have been systematically considered “guilty until proven innocent” of the crime of raping a White woman, while the raping of an African slave by a White male was considered a social norm, and now we are living in a society where any male who has been accused of rape is automatically tried and found guilty by society at large and their judgment is often carried over into the municipal courts. Only now with the advent of genetic-based science being applied to crime scene investigation techniques as well as the advent of new communication/electronic presence devices (i.e. the Hofstra Case) are we starting to see the truth behind a number of rape cases. Men who were railroaded into jail because of rape accusations are now being released based upon DNA evidence placing them away from the crime scene. Other cases are being thrown out because electronically-derived evidence is being produced to either place the accused away from the crime scene or prove that the accuser has ulterior motives regarding her accusation. But even with these items, feminist supporters are crying for these items to be dismissed as a number of them still hold to the idea that women are incapable of lying about rape.
Another piece of ill-logic that is applied to men and rape is that while a child molester (regardless of gender) is seen as “mentally unbalanced,” a rapist is being portrayed as just “one of the guys.” Part of this is based upon the Koss study which many researchers use as a metric (albeit flawed) to base their research upon. Both rapists and child molesters display the same predatory behavior (though the rapist who targets adult women is allowed a broader freedom based upon the simple fact that their chosen prey is legally accessible for sexual activity). There are other traits that both predators share in their behavior. One trait is the “grooming” of the victim. Feminists will quickly tote out the fact that most rape victims know their attacker. If you compare this to a child molester grooming their victim, then it makes sense. The predator picks out his or her victim and then tries to get to know their victim in a twisted form of courtship, which eventually leads to the actual molestation/rape. In addition, though criminal psychologists have typically classified all other forms of criminal behavior as being symptomatic of a greater socio-psychological deviance, there is a concerted effort by the feminist lobby to avoid defining the rape of an adult female as deviant behavior by a male perpetrator.
We have to ask ourselves one question; what is there to be gained by this systematic drive to vilify men across the spectrum? Regardless of the answer to this question, it has to be understood that there is something very wrong going on here and I’m damn tired of seeing it go on. I am tired of being vilified because I am male. Then you have groups like “Men Can Stop Rape” who tote out feminist-inspired propaganda and attempt to guilt the men who attend into accepting the burden for all men that “rape is what men do.”
I am not a rapist and damn you all for saying different. Furthermore, as a victim of a false rape accusation and an African American male, as well as by the virtue of the dead African American men of Tulsa Oklahoma, Rosewood Florida, and every other place in this country where a Black man has been lynched/murdered because of the lie of a White woman, I have the right to this rant.
I’m done for now and if you want to post a response, feel free.
LHtFA…five letters that mean the difference between survival and despair for any male in America and others in Canada and the UK.
Leave. Her. the Fuck. Alone.
The context in which this should be applied is simple.
Any time that you are in any sort of social interaction with a woman, if for whatever reason she states that she wants you to cease your current level of interaction, you should stop that activity and abandon the field as quickly as humanly possible. This rule applies especially in situations regarding romantic or sexual liaisons, but works in any social situation as well.
The second that a woman asks or demands that you stop, you should do so at once and then leave. Once you have left, call at least two friends (preferably one of them female) and let them know that you have initiated an LHtFA. Make sure that they record the person you were with, time, date, and your location at the time that you called them. Head to one of those friends’ current location at once or head home, especially if you have a roommate or family member who you know is also home. Once you get there, let them know that you are home and again let them know that you have initiated a LHtFA and with who.
If you are in the workplace, follow those rules, except that instead upon initiating the LHtFA action, you go to your desk and document the situation at once. If possible, let another co-worker know that you were in an interaction with this woman and inform them of the details as well. This is all for your protection in case of a harassment accusation, which is all too possible in today’s workplace environment.
I’m sure that some women will object to this idea. Unfortunately, the current legal climate has made any other action tantamount of entering a environment of risk. You risk having accusations levied against you ranging from harassment on the mild end to rape on the severe end of things.
I’m sure that a lot of men will also object to this line of thinking, associating it to trained cowardice or “giving in to the women.” In the parlance of combat, it is called a measured retreat. The overall idea behind LHtFA is that you as a man are taking control of everything in the social situation if it does not go the way you want. This does so in a manner which will not take advantage of the other person involved in that situation but at the same time will leave you in a position where you can safely control the outcome of the situation. If by chance that there is an accusation of rape or sexual assault, you will have a degree of documentation that will assist you in defending yourself in the case.
I’ll use the most relevant example. If you, a man are on a date with a woman and as the evening goes on, things begin to heat up. The date ventures into the physical and then suddenly the woman says:
“Stop, I don’t think we should do this.”
At that point, muster up whatever willpower you have available and do so. Stop at once. At that point you should end the date. Be polite and take her home, if you took her out, or part company if you two met somewhere. But for the sake of your safety, you need to end that date now. If she asks why you are ending the evening, tell her that you are doing so because you “wish to respect her wishes and this is the most efficient way you know to let things end on a safe note.”
Do not allow her to convince you that “she wants to cuddle,” or that “you should be a man, stay but control yourself.” Cuddling is how you got into that situation in the first place and intimate contact will only lead you there again. As for “being a man,” you are. You are exercising your right to step away and cool off before a situation gets too heated. If she can’t understand that, then there is a definite problem with her and you don’t need to be a party to that problem.
I have followed this doctrine for 30 years and I have seen both respect and derision from the women I were involved with when I had to initiate a LHtFA action. The ones who respected me for doing this have at the least remained friends as they appreciated my understanding and desire to keep things under control. As for the ones who have derided me for doing this; I made a point of never seeing them again and have been better for doing so.
With that being said, If you’re out with your buddies at the club or the bar, you should designate somebody (preferably the “designated driver”) to also be the LHtFA monitor. As the monitor for the evening, your job is simple. If one of your buddies attempts a hookup with a drunk girl or if he’s drunk trying to hook up, you are there to perform a “remote LHtFA.” He may hate you at the moment and even accuse you of “cock-blocking.” But he’ll praise your name the next day when he realizes that you saved him from possibly getting nailed for date (gray) rape; whether it would have happened or not.
Until US law recognizes that the fact that a man and a woman who have been imbibing alcohol and end up in a sexual act are both incapable of giving or receiving informed consent to sexual activity, any male who gets involved in a “drunk fuck” is tempting fate and dancing in front of the gates of jail. Currently, only men can go to jail for drunk sex. A sober friend performing a remote LHtFA can protect you from that horror.
And finally…if you are trying to hook up with a woman anywhere. If she doesn’t smile and enthusiastically respond to your initial conversation or clearly tells you that she’s not interested, initiate an LHtFA action at once. Calling her names and haranguing her over it are only going to get you possibly ridiculed or at worse, arrested. Calling her a “bitch” only makes you look like a punk, anyway. Why are you getting all worked up over a woman who doesn’t want you in the first place? LHtFA and go about your business. She isn’t worth jail, man.
In closing, I’m sure that some women will look at this and claim that this is only going to be used by some rapist to help himself get off from an accusation that he rightfully deserved.
I’m sorry that some of you will feel this way. However, false rape has been a bugbear in the male community for more than a century. Allow me to list some historically instances where a false rape accusation has caused untold damage. Look up Rosewood, Florida in 1923, Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1921 (Black Wall Street), and Scottsboro, Alabama in 1931 (The Scottsboro Boys). All of those incidents, while racially motivated, also stemmed from false rape accusations by women against men.
Then, there are people trying to discount the video evidence used to exonerate the four young men involved in the recent Hofstra rape case. The fact that the current argument being brought against the boys is that they should still be punished for recording the sexual activity without the girl’s permission, shows that the prevailing attitude about rape accusations is more about retribution against “any man accused including the ones that got away,” than justice for the falsely accused.
LHtFA…watchwords of survival for the 21st century American man. Tattoo them somewhere on your body where you’ll remember them….
I’m here because I decided to start blogging after reading several posts from feminist blogs, including this one (Schrödinger’s Rapist). My goal on this blog is to try to approach the idea of gender equality and issues from a point of logical discourse. With that in mind, I ask that that anyone commenting please keep your comments in a context of logic and rationality. While emotion can fuel a desired goal, only logical thought will see us through to a successful conclusion.
Regarding the blogpost that I listed above, I approached this page with the genuine intention of finding out what the poster put out and understanding what was written. But I came to a realization; most of the commenting readers on the page and (apparently the blog owner, as I was banned after a few pointed comments and questions), do not want men to understand. From what I got, a large number of the female posters wanted to revel in being “victims of male privilege.”
I have to say that the guest blogger, Ms. Starling demonstrated a genuine desire to have a open and meaningful dialogue about the topic and I complement her on both her blog post and her professionalism in her replies. Nearly all the others had nothing but scorn for any male who posted anything other than a total and complete self-effacing admission that they were part and parcel contributors to rape culture. They didn’t want involved dialog, nor did they want open discussion. All that they wanted were high-fives from the women commenters and any men who wanted to comment on the page were expected grovel and own up to their being complicit in the evil patriarchy.
I’m quite fracking tired of feminists who feel entitled to barge into male internet (and real-life) spaces as it is their feminist-mandated right to do so, but raise hell and throw around ban hammers on men who likewise come into their spaces (or flat out refuse to let men post). Ladies…you get what you give. Feel free to shoot down the trolls who just show up to start shit, but learn to tell the difference between those who troll and those who want to ask real questions. (It goes both ways, ladies…troll is a gender-neutral term.)
In fact, more than a couple of men who were victims of rape by women aggressors were at best casually patronized, and at worst, blatantly ridiculed. I have no sympathy for these people and the fact that they want sympathy but are unwilling to give it themselves sickens me. Rape is a horrible crime and anyone who commits it is deserving of punishment and/or help as they are sick individuals. (By the way, this last belief was argued by feminists on that page too. I guess that feminists feel that the crime of rape is not the act of a sick mind but an act of diabolic evil. That is a topic for another blog post.)
Finally, to any of the feminists (especially the ones who commented on Ms. Starling’s post) who may read this blog, allow me to say this; there are far more men who are at best ignorant about what you believe rape culture consists of and belittling them on a website will not get them to see your point of view; it just makes you an internet troll just like the trolls who purposely go on web sites to cause grief. Furthermore, any man who is willing to hold a dialog with you about an feminist issue most likely is willing to be “converted to your cause.” And yes, “he is doing you a favor” because he is willing to try to let go of some of his preconceptions about gender relations in order to try to be more understanding about your point of view. Vilifying such a man will most likely convert him to misogyny as your vitriol in belittling him will only prove the other misogynists right in his eyes.
And before anyone posts that I don’t understand what “rape culture” is, I’m rather versed in it and I’ve even read up on it. There are facets of “rape culture” that tie into African American history that directly impacted our ethnic outlook. Furthermore, I’ve even read the post about Shakesville regarding the subject.
With that being said, my agreement or disagreement on each of the individual items in Ms. McEwan’s blog listed under the collective connotation of rape culture are not relevant to my ability (or lack thereof) of being able to constructively have an intelligent opinion regarding gender equality. Furthermore, the fact that I do recognize that overall that there are facets of human civilization and society which are harmful toward the well-being of women, men, and children in particular and humanity in general, is relevant. Finally, the fact that I want to address and help in addressing the current social disconnect between women and men, should end any further debate about my motives or ability to contribute constructively to this issue.
But I was instead bombarded with digs and attacks as responses to logically focused requests as to how to better work with this issue. All that I and the other men who asked the question as to how would a guy try to approach a woman and how to figure out whether she wanted to be approached, were given the answer:
“Assume that all women do not want to be approached unless she lets you know that she wants to be approached.”
Well, according to logic, then the only way that would be is if a woman decided to make first contact in some nebulous manner (a wave, a wink, a cardboard sign), that could or could not be construed as an unwanted contact (okay, except for the cardboard sign). One commenter said that anyone who bothered could just read the woman’s body language to see if she was amenable to a cold contact or not by the male. Body language, eh?
The poster gave examples of “nervous smiling,” “twisting of the hair,” and other things of that nature. Here’s a question; is she nervous because she is afraid of me, or is she nervous because she likes me and is uncertain as to how this first talk will go? This idea would be especially problematic for the socially-inept male who has no knowledge as how to read women’s body language
I can see how that first encounter will end.
“Officer, I don’t understand! I read her body language and she seemed kind of shy, but she was smiling so I figured that she was still interested…why am I being arrested? I’m no masher!”
Despite the fact that many of the men posting agreed that if a woman did not want to talk to a guy who approached her cold, she had the right to not be bothered, most of the male questions and requests for further clarification were met with ridicule and scorn from the assembled feminist commenters and some of the blog moderators.
Then I learned from one of the blog mods something that clued me in to a way how most guys could tell. Are you ready?
Here we go.
Guys, if you see a woman in public, especially traveling on a form of public transportation reading a book or wearing a pair of headphones, don’t approach her. In fact, one of the regular bloggers/moderators stated that many women wear headphones in public because they don’t want men to talk to them.
Whenever a man brought up the idea of the uninterested woman politely but firmly telling the intruding guy that she wasn’t interested in a contact, we told that we couldn’t understand the issue. And when we insisted in saying that if the guy was a problem, then make a scene and let people around you know that he was a bother, we were again told that we didn’t understand.
Women, could you please confirm or deny this datum? I’m puzzled; I wear headphones because I want to listen to music or pass the time while I’m traveling or waiting for something. Could you please try to make an explanation that is not couched in derision and condescension.
A lot of women posted words to the effect of: “We have a right to not be hit upon by guys.”
Agreed. But at the same time, the drive for romantic companionship or sexual intimacy are two of human civilization’s most fervent drives. There should be rules and conventions regarding inter-gender contact. But right now as the prevailing social dynamic stands, the male of the species is the designated initiator of this type of contact. Yes, more women are adopting a willingness to initiate contacts with males for the purpose of romantic or sexual liaisons and fewer of them are being ostracized for doing so (thank whatever deity you believe in for that). But again, nobody on that blog page could come up with a reasonable alternative that could be clearly conveyed to men who were interested in resolution other than just “leave women alone.”
The only problems with that idea is:
I suggested that we adopt the Victorian usage of the “calling card.” Rather than try to initiate a total cold contact with a woman on the street. A fellow could use a calling card with his name, a polite statement and me,ans of contact printed on it. The woman had the option to either accept the card or reject it and if she did accept it, then she still had the option to either follow up on the contact or simply discreetly dispose of the card, thereby ending the situation. In addition, with this convention, it would be assumed that the offering party (male in this case), bore the burden of dealing with rejection as it would be deemed “unseemly” for him (or her) to focus it on the potential recipient of your calling card. The advantage of the card was that rather than a woman having deal with a lengthy interruption of her previous activity, she just either took the card or not at her choice.
While that was not a perfect alternative, nobody could offer one better. But the replies (except from Ms. Starling) were couched in words to the effect of: “Yeah, but why should we have to even bother with that?”
I don’t have an answer. Ladies, guys are going to hit on you. Humanity has not evolved yet beyond being able to approach a person of the opposite gender (or preference) without some level of sexual evaluation. (Except for the number of “asexual” humans who seem to be popping up as of late.) I’m sure that some feminist will accuse me of advocating rape culture by making that statement.
No. That. Is. Not. Rape. Culture. That. Is. Human. Social. Biology.
Men and women evaluate each other as potential mates or sexual partners. All of this debate is simply how can we be polite about it.
On a side note to Kate Harding, the owner of the “Shapely Prose” blog:
People base a great deal of their personal knowledge on personal experience. While this does not define the entire body of our available and collective knowledge, personal experience often shapes our individual and to some degree our collective viewpoints. Dismissing another person’s experiences offhandedly is in of itself, a rather dangerous form of hubris as you risk placing your personal experiences above someone elses and thereby denying yourself of information that would not have otherwise been available.
Furthermore Ms. Harding, there is a debate, if no longer on your site, at least on the rest of the web because feminist theory has been steadily shaping national policy and social convention. I, for one, will do my damnedest to see that the future will be shaped in the interests of neither men or women, but in the interests of humanity.
There are men and women who are genuinely interested in pursuing an informed and hospitable dialog regarding equality in gender relations. I’m sorry to see that your page does not support that ideal.